SCOTLAND 2001

JOHN HUBBELL SPEAKING

Well now that my mind is clear and a week has gone by since we returned in victory from Scotland, My mind is still a blank. The reason for this has to be put down to collateral damage in regards to all the second hand alcohol fumes I consumed by my proximity to the madding crowd.

Well lets see what I can remember!

On Friday we all left for Scotland by different modes of transportation. For the masochists in our group they drove, with trip times ranging from 7 to 13 hours. I believe Mikey R was the first to arrive by playing hooky from work and driving up during off peak time. Graham and crew hit all the traffic Jams. Rob, Rufus and Duane arrived at 3:00AM after a false start retrieving Robs forgotten items (Was it skates Rob) and getting lost in both Edinborough and Kirkcaldy.

I arrived on Friday with the terminator Tweedy. (As an aside --- at Buzz's wedding Mum Woodey was telling me about the family history and that the Woodey's come from the Tweedy clan, and they were a well known clan of 'Assassins'. Mrs Woodey was quite proud of this! However it explains a few things about Simon and Dave Woodey and Dave Tweedy) and I set off from the airport together with neither one of us knowing what the name of the hotel was or where it was. When we called Raki for directions !!!!!!!!!!!!!! this was our first hint of what was to come. The Garble and Gibberish coming from the other end of the phone had me hanging up the phone after about 13 sec. I got a name Sheerbanatteraglvub, and flllllaaggggggs. When we got to the Fife area a half hour latter we lucked in and saw a large building with flags around it and low and behold it was our hotel. When we walked it there was a large group of Tornados at the bar and Raki was still on the phone giving us directions.

How it happened I do not know but the Tornados tournament song was "I LOVE YOU BABY" and at every inopportune time one or every one of us would break into song, and none of us new all the words. According to Stu as he slid of the bench before one of the games, he gave us the originating band as the Lettermen, and since Stu was about 2 when the Letterman came out with the song, most of the rest of the team were not even a glint in their parents eyes then, but any way this useless bit of trivia was the most sense Stu made all weekend. The Quote of the tournament can also be attributed to Stu "guys if you are big enough to party hard you are big enough to play hard" this quote came back to haunt him big time.

However " I LOVE YOU BABY " was our fight song and it drove fear into our opponents, and especially our hoteliers. Before the Crowtree game instead of our 1-2-3 Slough War Cry, we sang I LOVE YOU BABY. And when we did this Crowtree fell over with fear and there was panic in the stands. ( It looked like panic and fear but could have been laughter and pity). Because of the result a tie game it was the last time we tried that.

So as I said we arrived at the hotel to a group of drunk and semi drunk Tornados, and to the chorus of I LOVE YOU BABY.

Now you got to picture this! On one side of the hotel were the Tornados in the Bar, and on the other side of the hotel was a function room with a party going on with a group of Scottish Prespreterians, I had just settled down to my first Smirnoff Ice, when Hollywood comes in yelling at the top of his lungs in a drunken spirit, Gramps how the F**k are you? Guys there is a F**'n party going on with all these F**'n old ladies, I was F**n dancing with them, it was F**'n great, come-on guys lets go F**k'n join the party. This F**k'n went on for about 5 minutes when -- the owner of the hotel came barging in all a red faced and spitting mad and said theeer I'nt go'n t' b' nooo sweear'n 'n ere lads, theer is a tiiime 'n place frr evreethin, theer is threeee ministers an theer wifs nxt dooor 'n yrn go'n t' ave t leave if yeer keep this sweerrn up. Then Hollywood in the most innocent and sober demeanour states ' you are right it was way over the top, then the cashier / bar tender / bouncer ( who happens to be a monster) comes in a swearing to equal Hollywood and in the most angelic way Hollywood apologises in the most self effacing manner. Soon as they leave Hollywood just has to let out one more loud F**k'n Great for good measure.

As the gang all arrived in there turn, more drinks were poured and I sipped through my second Smirnoff Ice. Billy Gilbert made his entrance and it was great to see him. However his John Hubbell imitations were getting a bit stale. Welshy was in the corner with a goofy smile he wore all weekend, Mike Reynolds had gone to bed making me look like a party animal, Mike Faye was on his way to a healthy head ache, Graham was telling everyone that would listen about his last save, Gary had brought his girl, so his legs were getting week in other ways, Bruce arrived after a £50 pound cab fare, and got caught up to the partying fast. Alan and Julie were in the corner hugging, but the look on Allen's face showed that the partying was giving him some concern about how many shots he was going to face tomorrow. Stu was going beer for beer with Marty, and setting a precedent for the weekend ahead. Marty was trying to get Mike Fay's hotel key of him? Tweedy had the same concerns as Allen and was nursing a few white wines, realizing also that tomorrow would be a rough day with a wobbly forward group and a 50 plus defensive partner. Jock had that usual look of point me to the party. Barry was nowhere to be seen, but rumours had it he had not seen his girlfriend for three weeks so he was copying Gary's lead. The Kid was drinking to keep up with the big boys and his Dad had a concerned look on his face. Peter was following Raki around singing " I LOVE YOU BABY" and going beer for beer with Raki. All of a sudden Bruce got this strange look on his face and said "note boys going to bed". I just assume he got the same realization as Allen. I left the party around 12:00 to give my old body a rest and as I was going up the stairs, I heard this plaintiff cry Coomme Onnn Ieets my Birttthdayyy. I look over the banister and sure enough it was Raki with two 6o year olds from the Prespreterian party. When I got upstairs there was Stephan behaving himself playing cards with two girls which Raki called the Chickas? The light when on-Marty - Mike Fayes keys. As I turned out the light I just had to use Hollywood's verbiage - F**k we are in trouble tomorrow.

At breakfast the next morning the whole crew was there or were they! Bruce was telling of the thumping on the wall, and the dissatisfied female voice. The first game was a 9:00 and it was not pretty but we won, the second game was more of the same!

We all were to meet at 5:00 for dinner. Tweedy and I went to St Andrews to do some site seeing, and we assumed the partiers would go home and get some sleep before the promised party of the evening. Wrong!!!!!!!!! I hear the thinking was that since Duane Rufus, and Rob were not crashing the Prespreterians last night that they had to make up for it and Stu just had to show them the way.

Dinner was a great team affair and went surprisingly well, with no maladaptive behaviour. After dinner we started drinking I had my 3rd and 4th Smirnoff Ice. And the only thing out of the ordinary was Raki trying to hustle Barry's girlfriend, and Barry just smiling and drinking. By 11:30 I felt 'yeah the boys have been drinking a lot but we got them to stay here, and they will get to bed early'. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! The first, second and third forward lines and one defensive pair all went out to a Scottish version of a Scottish country and western Scottish country bar. I did not go so you will have to get the version from those who went.

About 2:00 I was woken with the shattering of glass, the shouting of my name 'John Hubbell Here', Raki yelling guys they are going to call the cops, the shattering of glass, the shouting of my name 'John Hubbell Here', more shattering of glass more shouting of my name 'John Hubbell Here', and a very loud bang. I heard shouts of revelry from Marty, Duane, Jock, Peter, Bruce, Rufus, Mike and just before the sound died down about 3:00 I heard Billy Gilbert said guys it was great send me the bill. After everything was quiet I head someone going up and down the hall whimpering, saying how am I going to pay for this, and then tinkle tinkle as the glass went into the bin. After that I kept having this recurring night mare and it started with a newspaper head line, "President of Avon Europe, American Express Executive, Investment Banker, Film Director, American Real Estate Tycoon, Computer Entrepreneur, Computer Executive, Northern Telecom Programmer, Medical Tec Exec, Airline Controller, all jailed for crimes against the Prespretirian Church and the Scottish nation John Hubbell who was linked to the crime is still at large.

The next morning it was a sad site, the guys did not look to good either. Oh the sad site was the look on Allen and Bruces faces.

The first game we tied and it was not our most sterling performance, and the fourth game we won fairly easily against easy opposition. The semi finals went with out too much problem. The final was an up and down affair with us pulling it out in the end. The game was against the home town team, and I don't think they were liked a lot because the crowd was cheering for us, quite a difference eh!

I enjoyed the tournament for other that Duane and Stephan the forwards were not to much help and rather than passing it to them and watching them go down and score, the D had to carry the game.

Here is the report on the three lines: Rufus was his usual buzzing all over the rink but his buzzing had little to do with where the puck was, but his buzzing was so disconcerting to the opposition he was useful. Rob was doing a Raki impersonation never coming over the red line, and once and a while he remembered where he was and what he was doing, and thank god for those instances because he made room for Duane by getting in the way of the opposition. You have heard the term cement hands, well Marty was cement truck hands, a former shadow of his scintillating performance in Telford. Peter and Barry kept running into each other, and when they stopped to apologise to each other they did some fore checking and back checking at least where they were standing. Billy Gilbert kept flashing his silver stick at the opponents and then falling over, again doing a credible attempt at getting in the way of the other side. Raki could not make a pass or hit the net but for some reason his legs were working well and if you can believe it he back checked like a mad fool, no that is not a misprint I said back check, and for this won the best forward of the tournament. Steph behaved himself on Friday, and did his Zombie routine Saturday night, so he had some energy and flew most of the time on the ice, and with Duane and Raki the only other forward we saw in our end the whole tournament, oh I forgot Rufus buzzing buy. The Supporting cast when they got on the ice did a great job. The defence and goal tending were the difference for the tournament, Bruce played great despite his behaviour, Allen had Julie to look after him and was forced to behave himself, and played great. Both goalies got a lot of work, and made some key saves. Welshy sort of behaved himself remembering the pregnant little wife he left at home, and when he started to tilt it had the appropriate affect needed in the defensive end with the fear of being squashed, and he had some offensive moments. Tweedy and Hubbell were simply awesome, the fans were calling them the wall, and other than two instances one for each of them when they were doing their Raki impression, as I said they were awesome. Stu 'the tree' won the best defenseman of the tournament. This had nothing to do with hockey skill however, it was all down to his loss of motor skills , causing his whirling dervish moves, and frankly scaring bejeebers out of every one on the rink. It also did not hurt that his last name was Mactavish. The Duaniac is certainly an amazing human being, skinny legs, no sleep, drunk like a fish, and played like we all know him , and for this was named player of the Tournament.

We all headed back to the hotel after the win except Duane, Rufus, and Rob, but we just could not resist from calling them up on the road and giving them one last rendition of I LOVE YOU BABY. We had a nice quite dinner, and sat and talked quietly till one in the morning and I had my last two Smirnoff Ice. On the way to the airport Tweedy said "you know I did not know those guys too well before this weekend, and are those guys wild, but when you can sit down and talk to them quietly they are great guys and almost normal."